The Ugly Truth

I've battled my weight my entire life. I was conscious about my weight since the 3rd grade. I remember going on a diet and losing 15 pounds. I've lost and gained 50 pounds 3 times over and would always gain it back plus more. I spent my entire 20's being overweight. I spent a decade being over 200 pounds. I had every size in my closet from 14-22. I would lose weight, drop a few sizes, then the weight would start creeping back up and the fast food frenzy would take over. I literally did it time and time again. Come July 2018. I knew I had to get my shit together. My best friend was getting married in Mexico in November. I didn't want to hate myself in every single picture taken. We were driving home from our annual family camping trip from the Frio sitting in the back seat between my 3 year old and 3 month old and I remember looking down at my legs and thinking "my calves are so fat"... random but I thought this is out of control. Who am I? Why have I let myself go for the millionth time!? I was in a size 20/22. This 5'4 body isn't suppose to be that round. The very next day I got on the treadmill. I remember texting my friend "Day 1" and I was annoyed about it. Annoyed that I have had about 100 "Day 1's" before. But Day 1 turned into Day 2, 3, 4 and so on. Every day I would text her or she would text me with Day __ fill in the blank. I didn't let the fact that I had a little baby and I was tired be my excuse. I would exercise during her naps. Or if she woke up early I would put her in her bouncer and put her next to the treadmill. My three year old would try to talk to me while I was working out and I would have to take my headphones out a million times and I would get frustrated but I knew I just had to push through it and get it done. Day in and day out. I would have to use my time wisely to be the most effective. I will keep it real, I did go to the doctor and get a script for phentermine to help give me some energy. Waking up several times a night wasn't easy. I took it for 3 months up until I had to get off of it leading up to my surgery. (That will be another post.) Eating healthy and working out is what led to my 80 pound weight loss pre-surgery. I think some people frown upon diet pills and weight loss surgery but my theory is You do you. Do what works for you. What will get you to your goal. I had to lose a significant amount of weight so I needed drastic measures. I regret nothing. Is it still hard? Hell yes! Do I want to sit and scroll through social media while Sadie sleeps? Absolutely! But I know it won't get me where I need to be. If I don't work out the first opportunity I get, there's a 99 percent chance it wont get done. I still have around 35 pounds I want to lose to get me to my goal. I'm so excited about simple things now. Getting to shop for cute clothes when before I would buy just whatever would fit. Shopping a 2X isn't fun. I don't hate myself in every single picture I take anymore. Investing time in myself feels good. I finally know what not giving up on myself feels like now. If this resonates with anyone reading this, whatever your struggle may be, start with your day 1. I'll be here to cheer you on! It's worth it. Don't spend another day hating who you are. P.S. My calves are smaller :)

Intro

I've been itching to start blogging again. I feel like I have so much I want to share about my journey to not only give some insight about what I've gone through, but to help others that are struggling or just need some inspiration to live their best life (as cheesy as that might sound.) I have learned that losing this weight is about so much more than just the number on the scale. I now have the desire to do things that I either didn't care to do, or think that I deserved. It might be something as simple as going to get a massage (which I've never done before) or something big like take a vacation somewhere. I've learned that having confidence effects so much more of my life than I imagined. When you don't feel like crap about yourself you can actually start to focus on things you truly want. I'm excited about the future and adventures I want to take on and goals I want to achieve. I want to document my life and try my best to keep up with this blog to share with others. I want to be open and honest with the struggles I face to having weight loss surgery. I'm an open book so any questions you have, ask away.